John 13:18-30 (NIV)
18 “I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill this passage of Scripture: ‘He who shared my bread has turned against me.’
19 “I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am who I am. 20 Very truly I tell you, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me.”
21 After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.”
22 His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. 23 One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. 24 Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask him which one he means.”
25 Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, “Lord, who is it?”
26 Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. 27 As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.
So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” 28 But no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. 29 Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the festival, or to give something to the poor. 30 As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.
“He’s a bad guy!”
This pronouncement came from one of our children, stabbing their finger at a picture of Judas in their children’s Bible. The illustration made it pretty obvious that Judas was the bad guy of this part of the story: black hair, sinister features, running out of the upper room into the night on his evil mission. The artist had even drawn a snake hanging out in the shadows nearby.
Adults, too, when we read the Gospel story, are quick to paint Judas as the villain. The very name “Judas” in the English language is synonymous with “betrayer” or “bad guy.”
But what strikes me about this passage is that when Jesus broke the news that there was a betrayer in their midst, the disciples were completely flabbergasted.
In verse 22, it says “the disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant.”
Even when Jesus says those famous words and hands the bread to Judas, the disciples still don’t understand. We’re told that they thought Jesus was telling him to go pick up some more supplies for the festival, or make a donation to the poor. The other eleven disciples had no idea Judas would do what he did.
What do we make of this?
Well, first, by all appearances, Judas was exactly like the other 11 disciples. He was part of the gang. He walked the same roads. He slept under the same stars. He heard all the same teaching. He preached about the kingdom. He did miracles. He ate, laughed, talked, prayed, walked, and slept with them. It wasn’t as if Judas was the problem child of the bunch, and when Jesus said “One of you will betray me,” all eyes turned to him. None of his friends expected Judas to be a betrayer.
Second, Jesus did not treat Judas any differently than the other 12. Think about it. Jesus must have treated Judas the way he treated all his disciples. He loved him. He talked with him. He shared God’s word with him. He embraced him. He taught him. He considered him a close friend.
In fact, we don’t know when Jesus knew that Judas would be his betrayer. Did he have some supernatural insight into Judas’ heart from, the beginning? Was it revealed to him along the way? Or was he just particularly astute at reading Judas’ body language?
It’s important for us to remember all this because it makes the depth and the pain of Judas’ betrayal even more potent.
Psychologists understand betrayal by a close friend or family member to be one of the most traumatic and wounding experiences that a human can endure. One writer, Brene Brown, uses this example. Picture a jar that represents a relationship. Every time something happens in that relationship that builds trust, a marble is dropped in the jar. Every kind word, every safe moment shared, every promise kept is a marble in that jar. The closer you are to someone, the more trust that is built, the more marbles in the jar. When a betrayal happens, the jar gets tipped over and all the marbles are dumped out. It’s almost impossible to recover from that. And it makes it hard to trust others in the future.
Well, that is what Jesus experienced with Judas. Jesus partially quotes Psalm 41:9, in which David cries in anguish about a betrayal: “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.” Interestingly, Jesus omits the phrase “someone I trusted,” indicating that he never fully gave his trust to Judas. Nevertheless, Jesus considered Judas a friend.
It’s one thing for a stranger to harm you. But when the betrayer is a trusted individual—a close friend, a spouse, a parent, a child, a spiritual leader—that inflicts a deep wound.
Sadly, many of us have probably experienced some kind of betrayal or harm from a close friend or family member. It might have come under the name of abuse, or marital unfaithfulness, or greed over an inheritance, or the something else. A lot of marbles have been spilled.
Here’s the good news for us today. Jesus has been there too.
We confess the truth that Jesus suffered and died for us. But when did Jesus’ suffering begin? Was it when he was nailed to the cross? Was it when he carried the cross to Golgotha? Was it when Pilate condemned him before a jeering crowd? The flogging? The mocking Sanhedrin? His anguished prayer in Gethsemane? Surely Jesus’ suffering included all these things. But even before the nails and the whip was the kiss from his friend. Jesus’ betrayal was part of his suffering for us. This was part of his passion.
This points to the fact that there is no emotional wound or trauma or heartbreak that is beyond the scope of Jesus’ redemptive love. So I ask you to think to think today about the marbles that have been spilled in your life. The ways you have been betrayed, abused, disappointed, or heartbroken. Invite Jesus into those places of hurt. He is the wounded healer who shares in our suffering.
Jesus,
You make good use of everything,
because you are Lord of All.
Even the betrayal of friend,
violence toward your body,
our daily denials and failings,
are gathered into your purposes.
Your ways are too full of meaning for words,
too full of goodness to comprehend.
(by Jonathan Puls, Biola University)